Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
