The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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