someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize