thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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