If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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