I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
