In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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