either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
