ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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