Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize