my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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