Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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