If i come over, it means nothing
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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