dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
