the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
