i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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