woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
