Dual....:-)
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
