u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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