I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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