Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
