why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
