I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize