watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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