I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize