Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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