The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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