There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
