Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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