My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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