Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
