yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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