Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
