well I can't set my house on fire every night
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
