I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
