Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
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