You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize