i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
