I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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