My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
