thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
