I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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