also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
