So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
