is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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