I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
