rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
