i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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