You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
