I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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