The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i love accidental penises.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
