Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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