I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
