There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
