it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
