I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
