When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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