i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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