I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
