You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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