Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
