hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
