Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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