I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
