..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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