he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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