Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
