That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
