all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize