Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
