I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
