i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
