Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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