She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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