sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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