He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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