He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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